I grew up in a house with 2 brothers and a sister. Everyone was involved in after-school and extra-curricular activities. In a sense, we were all absolute over-achievers; Piano lessons, wrestling practice, soccer practice, ballet classes and cheerleading practice for my sister, church choir, school choir, youth group....you name it, we were probably involved. As I got older, I was able to juggle more and more things on top of school, and this continued to blossom into college. In college, I couldn't just take 15 credits and do the opera....I was taking 21 or 22 credits, doing the opera, being a member of a student run "Ambassadors" organization for my university, teaching voice lessons (up to 10 students a week!), and starting/ running an organization of my own (The JMU Opera Guild); needless to say I didn't have much free time....but the free time I had was spent socializing with my friends. My room would get messy, laundry would pile up, I might stop an extra time or two a week at on-campus dining for dinner instead of cooking at home. Yet somehow, I still got through it, and with pretty flying colors.
When I moved to NYC just over two years ago, I was a very small fish in an absolutely enormous pond. This is to be expected, of course! In a way it was refreshing, and has certainly given me the time to sit back and evaluate my priorities in life. Sometime in the last year (maybe it's moving 3 times in MANHATTAN all during the heat of the summer within that year) I feel as though I have really grown up. I no longer feel the need to hold on to every little thing that comes into my life. I have gotten very good at purging unnecessary clutter from my life and home; I really appreciate the value of a fewer number of really fine things than a bunch of junk that stresses you out! I have worked tirelessly at decorating my apartment (THANKS ERICA!!!) to a style that soothes me when I am home. I have begun to live the "simple" life that my parents always talked about. Through this simplicity in my life, I have been really able to start to tap into ME time.
I didn't really understand this concept at all until last summer. I had been abroad before (Germany, Czech Republic, etc), but I had never been to Italy. I went to a summer program run by my teacher on the absolutely STUNNING island of Ischia off the Amalfi Coast of Italy near Naples and Capri. This program focused mainly on voice lessons, coachings and masterclasses, with concerts thrown in. The beauty of this program is the location. Stepping off the boat onto the island of Ischia is stepping back to a simpler time. People enjoy time with their friends and family! They take their time and really enjoy their meals (pizza Epomeo, YUM), they spend countless hours on the beach tanning their perfect bodies, they go to the island's thermal spas (yes, natural heated pools by the heat of the volcano!). My trip to Ischia was the first time in my life that I had ever been able to completely 100% relax and enjoy myself (when I wasn't singing).
Just a casual view from the top of Mount Epomeo on the island of Ischia taken with fellow tenors in the summer of 2011....no big deal....
I came back, got back to work, and everyone that I encountered (co-workers, friends, family) ALL noticed how chilled out I was. I had not a worry in the world, trusting that everything would get done eventually, that I didn't understand why everyone was so stressed out. I had experienced the beauty and simplicity of me time. Of course in no time at all I got sucked back into working, into the fast pace of the city and the social obligations...but I remembered every once-in-a-while that feeling of total relaxation that I experienced in Italy; how could I get that back??
I went to Italy again this summer. I could not wait!! I got off the plane and boat, got out of the taxi to our villa, and I was in relaxation mode again. This year I was decidedly more focused on my singing, but I really tried to take it even easier on my down time than I had last summer. Of course, all good things come to an end, and it was back to NYC (after the WORST flight home through Naples....I think I still have nightmares about that airport....). I got back to the city, and fell into the same routine I had last year, but probably even more quickly. How do I get that sense of relaxation back?? As someone who uses their body as their instrument, it is SO paramount to be well rested at all times....
Somehow in the last few weeks I have gotten busier than I think I have ever been in my entire life....possibly combined all together. One would think my productivity would decrease in this case, but let's reconsider. Call me a grandfather at my almost 26 years of age, but I have noticed that my priorities in life are beginning to change. I no longer feel the undying need to maintain my "social calendar." Spending money on things like eating out and drinks now seems irresponsible to me. When lessons and coachings cost so much, and are so valuable to a singer, why would you spend $100 or more on eating out (conservatively) a week, especially when you are young and trying to budget every last penny! I have found myself instinctively staying in on the weekends, renting movies, going over music, recording, etc....all these things that will ultimately help get me to what I want to do in life.
I owe this all to "me" time. For the first time in my life, I am putting ME first, and let me tell you, it feels GREAT! After reading Bethenny Frankel's "A Place of Yes" a few months ago, it has become so clear to me how focused I should be and WANT to be. Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't let your life pass you by....where's the fun in that? But I urge everyone to make sure that they are taking the time from their extremely busy schedules to focus on themselves. For you, is it getting a massage? Reading a book in the park? Watching a movie at home? Going to the gym or yoga in the East Village?
ME time is different for everyone, as it should be....get out there and find what really relaxes you. You'll be surprised to find how foreign it feels to really just take the time out of your day and relax (at least it was for me). Friends will always be there....there will always be additional social engagements in the future....the world around you can wait....but your sanity cannot! I have learned over the past year that you cannot expect yourself to operate at your optimum until you are really investing the time in yourself to be a happy, centered you. I have found happiness and centering through yoga, running along the Hudson, finding even 15 minutes to lay in the sun during the summer, listening to the music I love (which is only Renee about 70% of the time....), and the list goes on and on. I still keep myself more than busy, and I have lists of things I do that go on and on. The difference now is that these activities are no longer "extra-curricular." These activities are not to put on a resume or a grad-school application; these activities are for me, and only me.
I hope this doesn't come off as selfish at all, but if it does, who cares? It's your life, and at the end of the day you are in charge of your own destiny and happiness....
In the words of James Oppenheim,"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet."
Now go out there and focus on yourself! Namaste, everyone.....Namaste.
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