Somewhere in the last year or so I really feel like I have gained an incredible amount of focus and drive in my life. Maybe it's all the "Real Housewives" that I watch, or the big city forcing me to sh*t or get off the pot, but I feel like I am beginning to be the best me that I can be. Life is what you make of it. It isn't always going to be as perfect as you imagine it could be, and recognizing this as a variable in life has been my key to success.
All my life I have been a positive person....very upbeat, always looked for the good in things and people. In kindergarten, my teacher told my mom that I "Never had a rainy day." Enter moving to New York City. This city can eat people alive. You can feel lonely, people can seem arrogant and as though they don't care....everything can seem dirty and old. Slowly over about 18 months I let this view jade my perspective and the way I viewed situations. I wasn't living my life...I was stuck in a rut. Don't get me wrong...I was having successful lessons, singing well, had a solid job with benefits....I was doing alright....but I had become complacent. Anybody who knows me knows that complacency is, in my opinion, one of the worst things that a person can encounter.
About 8 months ago a friend and mentor said to me, "You know you're going to be eaten alive by this city if you keep up with this." He was referring to my perspective on life....I was slowly becoming jaded by the big city. I called my mother (thanks mom!) and had my usual venting session. She suggested that maybe I should read a book....something to help clear my mind. I'm not a huge reader, but I knew it was time to make a change.
For some reason, the first book that popped into my mind was "A Place of Yes" by Bethenny Frankel. Maybe it was all the Real Housewives and other Bravo shows that I was watching at the time, but I did a little light research about the premise of the book, and it seemed almost tailor made for me. The book, in short, is about taking control of your life. This is something that has always been peripherally aware to me, and something I agreed with, so I bought the book (actually, mom bought it for me - thanks again Mom!).
I got to reading the book, and within the first few pages I knew I was going to love it. I think the exact line that sold me was when Bethenny said something along the lines of, "Believe me when I say this book is not about being an optimist all the time....there are going to be days when you wake up and want to punch the first person you see, and I'm not going to take that satisfaction away from you." I thought to myself....this girl is onto something. I continued reading, and found myself agreeing with everything she was saying, and LEARNING from her. The book is written as a semi-autobiography; She is teaching lessons on life while telling you stories about her life, and how they relate to her lessons.
Throughout the book, I started to make conscious changes in my perspective on situations, in my perception of things going on around me. One key thing that I learned from this book is that life is not always going to be perfect; why are you going to let that imperfection take over your life? Take the good that you can from it, and leave the negative behind you. This reminded me of a few sayings I had heard previously, but didn't really take to heart at the time...I wasn't old enough to really understand their magnitude. They were sayings my dad lived his life by, and sayings that I now life my life by. The two main sayings were: "Life is a card game; it's not the cards you are dealt, but how you play them that wins the game." And also, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Both of these are really saying the same thing Bethenny is saying in her book; life isn't always perfect, but no one's is....this doesn't mean you should be frustrated or feel as though you can't live your dreams. Dreams are what you make of them....YOU make them happen no matter what "cards" life gives you!
At this time, I was starting to feel very motivated....I could change the path of my life....If I will it to happen and I work my ass off to get there, it actually can happen. This book really has changed my life. It forced me, first and foremost, to think long and hard about what I want to accomplish in life, both big and small. Once you know what you want to accomplish, the "game of life" becomes MUCH easier. Everything that I do now is motivated by a burning desire to achieve the greatness that I am destined for.
As a singer, I can't afford days off from singing. This means I MUST get enough sleep every night. I can't afford to really go out that often (tires me out, and is EXPENSIVE - money I could be using for lessons and coachings). A day that I'm not practicing is a day that 100 other tenors just like me ARE singing, and perfecting their craft. My body is also very important to me....when I feel good, physically, I am much more productive. I work out now, I go running, I do yoga a LOT; all of these things ultimately will help me feel better about myself, and when I feel good about myself I am more motivated to practice....when I practice more, I perfect my craft more, and the more I perfect my craft, the deeper I can dive into it the next time I work.
Life, in my opinion, is all about objectivity. When you recognize and think of things objectively, life gets much easier. All the cloudiness goes away....is what you are doing in some way getting you to what you want to do in your life?
This is a major subject, and only something that I have begun to explore. It has completely changed my outlook, and my subsequent success in life. It began with small, slow changes, and very CONSCIOUS changes. It was not easy at first, and believe my when I say I had to consciously change these outlooks and perceptions. But after a while I started to realize that people were responding to these changes....both people I know, and people I didn't know. It seemed that people were starting to be drawn to me, rather than me feeling as though I was chasing the crowd. This has opened many doors for me already in a short time, and I am more focused and excited for my life now than ever.
I'm not saying that my life is perfect. It's not by any stretch. But I have learned to love my life....to love my path and my progress as a singer and in life in general. I have slowly begun the process of refining my life, my aspirations, my goals; I know what I want, and I know I should not have to settle for anything else. I have a renewed faith in my worth on this earth, and I am destined for great things.
Life is all about what you make of it. You can sit back, be sad about things, get derailed from your visions....but where is that going to get you? If you believe in yourself....recognize your worth....recognize the good things, learn what you can from them, and leave the bad behind you, you just might be able to achieve the "impossible." Does this mean that life is going to be easy along the way? I hope not. The challenge of life now excites me and drives me more than ever. In a business where our body is our instrument....something so personal and easy to get down on ourselves about, I think a lot of singers can learn something from this. Instead of viewing a blown audition as another failed opportunity, view it as a learning experience of knowing more about yourself a a performer in a time of stress. View your life as a "9-5." Take charge of everything in your life, every little detail, and who knows how long it will take, but I firmly believe that your dreams will come true. Just remember, objectivity is the key. You are what you make of yourself. If life gives you a tough hand of cards, just think how much more people will be impressed when you make it to the top.
Now, would anyone care to join me?
You can find Bethenny Frankel's book, A Place of Yes, here:
http://www.amazon.com/Place-Yes-Rules-Getting-Everything/dp/1439186901
Happy reading!
